Wednesday, February 1, 2012

My Word For The Year

Should probably be procrastinate, since most other bloggers came up with theirs a month ago ;).  Thankfully, the peeps over at My One Word encourage mulling it over throughout January and going full force in February.  Between them and One Word 365, I have been really praying over the concept of choosing ONE word to work on for the year.

It is so much more difficult than I could have imagined.  There are many, many things I could and should work on...prayer, faith, surrender, obey,quiet, service and so on.  I prayed on it, talked to God about it.  And...didn't really think I had heard anything.  So I started to focus on Love.  I have been reciting Mark 12:29-31 before prayer and have really taken to heart the multiple definitions of love.  (“The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.”)

Let's be honest, I fail miserably at loving my neighbor as myself.  When I honk at the driver in front of me for going 10 miles below the speed limit, I guarantee that is not how I want to be treated.  Or when I snap at a co- worker because they have irritated me...definitely not showing the love there.  Never mind that the word didn't really 'click' with me.  It seemed that a years worth of lessons from God on love was more appealing than some of the alternatives.  


I was all set to write this post on all the ways I could improve the 'Love' in my life.  And then God intervened, in the typical smack me upside the head fashion that will prove to be the ONLY way I will pay attention.  I was reading my Bible one evening when the word Humble popped into my head.  I felt something stir inside of me, and then dismissed the notion.  Little did I know that a lesson was forthcoming.


It started with an email from a co worker.  He hasn't worked closely with me and was checking on paperwork progress for a meeting we had.  Not being a huge fan of 'reminders' and already being irritated at being notified last minute for a meeting which required copious amounts of paperwork and student testing, I sent back a curt little nasty gram.  Oh yes, and then I discussed with my my nearest friends and felt pretty proud of myself.


It wasn't too long after I sent the email that I began to feel guilty.  The poor man has had to deal with people who are not competent, who conveniently 'forget' what they are supposed to do, and like I said, he hasn't worked with me much.  Stubborn woman that I am, I kept on with my day, and the worse the guilt became.  Then the words "Be humble, be humble, be humble," played repeatedly in my head.  And then I realized where the message was coming from.


Face Palm. 

Crap.


With embarrassment at my behavior, I marched myself into my co worker's office and apologized with just enough volume for anyone in the vicinity to hear.  (Not like the story wasn't going to be repeated after I left, might as well save him the trouble of retelling.) He was very kind and gracious, and we chatted pleasantly for a few minutes.  Ugh, I was squirming.


And then...an apology from the individual who sent me the late meeting notice.  Crap...I had been rather vocal about that one as well.


I am not going to pretend I am looking forward to these lessons.  Lessons that are going to require me to lay down my pride so that I truly can Love my Neighbor.  Pride and I have always had a close relationship.  It is going to be hard to kick it out the door.


In the interest of full disclosure, I didn't even want to make this post.  But that is the point isn't it?  To pick a word to challenge you to change. I still don't really want to do this.  

As if I have a choice....

Wish me luck!

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1 comment:

  1. Great reflection! While the lessons might not be easy, I look forward to seeing how you grow and from learning from your example!

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